Today was probably the worst thing of my entire life. We get to my friend's house and we couldn't go anywhere without her mom because the hospital said there needed to be adult supervision at all times...So that put her in a bad mood.

And then our friend that came with me to see her was in a bad mood 'cause he was really sad about what was going on, and that upset her even more...

Then at the hospital, we had to leave her at the door to the mental health ward because no one's allowed in except parents. I don't think I've ever felt more desperate in my life. She looked like she was gonna cry, but didn't want to 'cause she'd be embarrassed. So her and her dad went in, and me, matthew and her little brother waited outside for her dad to come back out. I seriously thought her brother was going to burst in to tears. When she went in, she asked him for a hug and he just shook his head and bit his lip. The poor kid must be scared shitless, I feel terrible for him.

Then back in the car, her dad starts talking about how confused he is, and how bad he feels that he never noticed her depression sooner. He was like "We knew she was upset, but it wasn't until that Monday when we really sensed something was wrong that it kinda clicked. Was she okay with you guys today? Like, did she seem normal? She's always happy around her friends. It's just her mother and I that upset her - I don't know what we're doing wrong." He was so upset. I wanted to cry so much, but I didn't want to make him feel awkward.

I think the worst part of today was when we were driving away from the hospital, and we could see her in her window waving at us. I COULD HAVE DIED RIGHT THERE AND THEN.

I'm so incredibly confused and upset right now.